8 reasons in 800 words on why I don’t want kids

I don’t want children.

There, I said it.

I find them expensive, inconvenient, and quite frankly, a bit annoying.

In 2020, YouGov found that 37% of Brits never want to have children, while a further 19% said they wouldn’t consider it any time soon.

As I become increasingly aware of the world burning and our democracy crumbling, I’m surer than ever. Here’s 8 reasons why:

1. The UK is a binfire. Inflation is sitting above 11%. We’re on our third Prime Minister this year. The Joseph Rowntree Foundation estimates 1 in 3 children are living in poverty. A two-year-old boy has died of chronic mould exposure. It bloody sucks here. It’s not like the rest of the world is any more inspiring. Russia are illegally invading Ukraine. Women are being killed in Iran as they protest ‘modesty laws’. Migrants have drowned after their calls to British and French coastguards were ignored. This world is not a safe or desirable place to bring a child into. Our government can’t even bear to pay our teachers, nurses, and midwives fairly. If they won’t look after those who care for our children, what makes us think they’ll care about our kids? Aside from that, I don’t fancy waiting outside hospital in labour for a couple hours before the NHS can find me a bed.

2. I don’t want an extra mouth to feed. Or heat. Or clothe. Did anyone mention that we’re in the middle of a Cost of Living crisis? Kids cost. This year, the cost of raising a child in the UK from 0-18 has risen to £160,000, or £200,000 for lone parents. A distant relative I don’t even know about yet is going to have to die before I can even contemplate buying a one-bed, mould covered flat anytime soon – forget paying for a dependent.

3. My mental health is precarious as it is. Us Gen Z’s, we’ve had a tough run. We’ve lived through the 2008 bank crisis, 2010 austerity, a global pandemic and now austerity 2.0 – In the last three years, the likelihood of young people experiencing mental health problems has increased by 50%. Therapy is expensive. (See above). Me and the rest of this generation believe we’re woke enough not to pass our trauma down the family line.

4. Speaking of woke – I find young children irritating. Millennials are bad enough, but their kids!? I’m not sure I could cope with a politically correct toddler, not to mention one that might pop out with the list of intolerances, allergies, and emotional imbalances they all seem to develop now. If the nursery teacher had to chirpily explain to me for the third time that “We don’t use the word ‘No’ here – only positive alternatives!” – I might have a meltdown.

5. There’s a climate crisis happening. The biggest contribution any individual in an affluent nation can make to our environment is to not have children. One study suggested having one fewer child prevents 58.6 tonnes of carbon emissions every year, compared to just 24 tonnes living car free for ten. Let’s just call it my (non)contribution to planet earth. Besides, I don’t think I could rest easy knowing my kids will die turning to dust in a baron city/desert c.2099, since they probably won’t be able to afford Elon’s rocket to the next habitable planet.

6. See also: we’re already massively overpopulated. As world population hits 8 billion, scientists and ecologist’s panic. Earth’s rainforests have decreased in size, our water resources are depleting, our animal species dying. As soon as 2050, there could be an estimated 1.2 billion climate refugees searching for a place to rebuild their lives. The last thing this world needs is any of my greedy, white, Western, children to consume our remaining resources and make matters worse. If even I expect to live out my twilight years in a dry environment of a reasonable temperature, Elon better hurry up.

7. No, I’m sure I will not change my mind ‘as soon as meet the right man!’. Seriously, it’s 2022. Do I even need to explain where this statement falls down?

8. Even if I do get lucky enough to ever find myself in a financially secure enough, mentally stable enough position to have children, I’m probably going to be too old. I mean everyone who’s ever read Cosmo knows that if you don’t nail that husband down and get pregnant by the time you’re 30, your ovaries WILL shrivel up, you WILL be undesirable, and you WILL die alone. Thanks mother nature! – Honestly, who’s got the time.

I saw a meme recently: Plants are the new pets, pets are the new kids.

I think I’ll just get a dog.